Signs of the Times

What follows is an excerpt from the Book of Google.

24 1And the mayor went out, and departed from City Hall, into the City: and the Board of Supervisors came to him to ask for help to exterminate poor people and the homeless in their districts.

2 And the mayor said unto them, You see not all these apartment buildings? verily I say unto you, There shall not be left here one subsidized person or any other type of undesirable that shall not be evicted.

3 And as he sat upon Potrero Hill, the Board of Supervisors came unto him privately, saying, Tell us, when shall these things be? and what profit will there be for each of us, and who shall pay us?

4 And the mayor answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man cheat you.

5 For many shall come to the city, saying, I am poor and homeless; and they shall receive nothing.

6 And you shall hear of buses and rumors of luxury shuttles: see that you be not concerned: for all these buses will bring to the City more rich people, and they shall all have large bank accounts.

7 For citizens in the neighborhoods shall rise against the City, and landlords against tenants: and there shall be protests, and demonstrations, and evictions, in all of the city.

8 All these are just the beginning of the profits.

9 Then shall restaurants deliver meals to you every day and shall not charge you: and you shall hate of all restaurants that will make you pay.

10 And then shall many be jealous, and shall talk to one another, and shall befriend one another.

11 And many false rumors shall rise, and shall be printed in the Chronicle and appear on Facebook.  Do not believe them.

12 And because equity shall abound, the love of money shall never grow cold.

13 But he that shall buy luxury condos, then city will be made safe.

14 And this charter of the city shall be printed in all the papers for a warning unto all neighborhoods; and then shall Google come.

15 When you therefore see bodies of the nude covered up, spoken of by Scott Wiener, the supervisor, stand in Jane Warner Plaza and proclaim the body to be offensive, even whoso weareth underwear be offensive

16 Then let the undesirables who be in the Mission flee into the Tenderloin:

17 Let him which is profiting from the evictions vow to not come down on the price and take any less rent for his house:

18 Neither let him which is on the Google bus return back to the Midwest.

19 And thanks unto them that are on the luxury bus, and to them give free rides all the days!

20 But pray that your bus be not in the Mission, neither with a mission:

21 For then shall be great profits, such as was not since the beginning of the Internet bubble to this time, no, nor ever shall be again.

22 And expect those rides will be shortened, there should be no techies riding muni: but for the city’s sake those buses will be filled with homeless, leaving.

23 Then if any techie shall say unto you, Lo, here is $6 toast, or $10 bottle of water; you better believe it.

24 For there shall rise high rises, high prices, and higher profits, and shall be not affordable to any of poor and homeless; insomuch that, if it were possible, a MUNI bus would be here now to take them away the City.

25 Behold, I have told you before.

26 Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, techies are in the Castro; go forth: behold, techies are the cash cows; believe it or not.

27 For as the buses cometh out of the South Bay, and driveth even unto the outer mission; so there shall also be the techies.

28 For wheresoever the techies are, there will the money be gathering for you to take.

29 Immediately after the transbay terminal is open, those homeless shall be put on the next MUNI bus, and to them we shall not give an inch. They shall leave from this city, and by the powers vested in me shall be gone:

30 And then shall appear the frame of the next luxury building: and then shall all the techies of the city rejoice, and they shall see the city covered with the fog of the Pacific with its cold and great gloom.

31 And he shall cast his vote for a great mayor, me, and they shall win this election, the Board of Supervisors, for one vote of their own is from the money taken from others.

32 Now learn a story of the New Zealand Christmas tree. When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth flowers, you know that profits are high:

33 So likewise you, when you shall see all these new luxury buses at night, know that you are making more, even more than before.

34 Verily I say unto you, This gentrification shall not pass, till all those rent controlled apartments are filled with techies instead.

35 Mexican and Black alike, shall be evicted, but the rich corporations shall not pay taxes.

36 But of that fraud and scheming knoweth no man, no, not even the techies on their buses, but me only.

37 But as the days of Gavin Newsome were, so shall also the coming of the new techies be.

38 For as in the days that were before the gentrification they were eating burritos in mission, drinking margaritas and giving gay marriage, until the day that Twitter entered into the city,

39 And knew not until the buses came, and evicted them from their homes; so shall also the coming of Google be.

40 Then shall two be on the corner; the techies shall be taken for free, and the poor will pay.

41 Two women shall be waiting at the bus stop; the one shall be taken for free on the luxury bus, and the other will pay to ride Muni.

42 Watch therefore: for you know not what hour your Muni bus doth come.

43 But know this, that if the people of the Mission had known on what bus the techies would come, they would have protested, and would not have suffered eviction from their houses.

44 Therefore be you also ready: for such a bus as you have seen before, with lots of money cometh.

45 Where then is a rich and ruthless landlord, whom the techies hath made richer by paying outrageous rent, the City won’t suffer with a rent-controlled apartment again.

46 Blessed is that techie, whom his landlord when he cometh shall find the rents even higher than before.