Not so long ago I worked at a call center that primarily assisted (mainly elderly) clients with portfolios they chose themselves. Many problems arose, due to anything from greedy relatives to not understanding the documents they signed. Overall it required delivering a lot of bad news. Most people were pretty understanding because I had copies of their statements on file and would explain at length what happened. However, one client in particular was keen on berating me excessively for his financial losses. I apologized and presented several suggestions to save what he had left, but the complaining did not stop and he went on to explain that he needed to send that money to one of those TV evangelists with the giant mansions because it would somehow help him get into heaven (I’m paraphrasing), and of course I laughed—I thought he was making a sarcastic joke. Unfortunately he was not. Mind you, this was someone who had already lost some savings with a bad investment, and now he wanted to buy holy water and whatnot from an even more obvious crook? Why? It made no sense, and as a person outside of the situation, I could see that. And yet a week later, the client liquidated the account and, I assume, sent that money anyway. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d see something like that and as a result, I left that job pretty quickly.

Relationships can be a lot like this too. People outside the situation will see you get swindled and go, “Why did you keep doing this? I wouldn’t have,” et cetera, et cetera. But that’s the thing: When you’re inside the situation, you don’t see that the bag of “holy water” is expired Sprite, or that the “work thing” that came up is actually something else coming… up.

I’m not trying to say that every person is full of vile garbage and lies and that you should take note of every conversation you have (the government is already doing that for you so no worries 😀 ) but if, say, someone sends you a message like “oh I’m stuck at work” and then, a minute later, writes, “Hey I’m at the bar”… you know, that’d be something to clue in on. The awkward part comes when the evidence is enough for you to realize something is wrong and you, of course, want to confront said garbage sack (because no one wants to be screwed over), but then something weird happens: they deny it. They give you some crooked explanation and say you’re being paranoid and “it’ll never happen again.” Now a person outside the situation or with a clear head would say, “How can the situation both be something I’m paranoid about but also something that occurred and will ‘never happen again’? Plus, I have all this evidence, obviously I’m right.” But you, in the middle of this situation, get bogged down with doubt. The person you love and care about keeps saying you’re crazy, making a big deal out of nothing, et cetera.

You feel gut-punched and weak and you relent. But you know what? That’s okay. You know what else? Hold on to that evidence and hold onto your truth. In the moment, things might get heated and confusing and that’s totally fine, but you know deep in your heart and mind what is true and you have to keep that with you. Also, if any of these things are happening in your relationship, it’s time to GTFO:

 

 

Some of you may be thinking, But wait, this was a one-time thing, it’s not going to happen again… how do I know if it’s even happening, am I crazy? Is everyone a manipulative pile of trash?? SHH. No, it’s okay. You’re great and everything’s fine.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:

Now I’m not any kind of bastion of health, mental or physical. Most of the time I’m eating cheese doodles in an oversized sweatshirt screaming at movies, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong about this. You’re the only one you need to validate your truth and experience. If something feels wrong, it’s okay to stop doing it. This applies to any relationship, activity or engagement.  And remember, no matter how old you get, the people on TV do not deserve your money.